Avoid finishing your taxes for just a few more minutes with this week’s collection of funny parenting tweets!
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Sorry my kids are late, it’s cuz I’m their mom
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 13, 2018
Motherhood, year 1: Oh no I think my fingernail scratched the baby—should we call the doctor?
Motherhood, year 10+: OH COME ON. How many times have I told you not to bleed on my clean floor? GO DO THAT OUTSIDE.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) April 11, 2018
*giving my sister parenting advice*
Me: So, you lift them like this.
M: Then, scream into it. Now you try.
S: [picks up pillow]
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 16, 2018
Me: *Runs marathon, crosses finish line in tears of pride going toward my family for a celebratory hug…..
My kid: “Mommy, do you have any snacks?”
— Danielle and Farrah (@effinghandbook) April 16, 2018
I love the meaningful conversations I have with my son.
“YOU BETTER DIE IN YOUR FORTNITE GAME BECAUSE DINNER IS READY IN 5 MINUTES!”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 15, 2018
My daughter made eggs for her and her little brother today. I’m no longer necessary.
— Lord Jame (@ObscureGent) April 12, 2018
The best way to work out on a Sunday is by rage-vacuuming while your spouse naps, which burns way more calories than regular weekday vacuuming.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) April 15, 2018
I told my 8yo he could play tablet the rest of the day if he played a good soccer game, and suddenly he turned into Messi
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 14, 2018
[2 day old baby]
he’s so quiet, go and check he’s alive
[2 year old kid]
he’s so quiet, if you wake him I’ll kill you
— The Dad (@thedad) April 14, 2018
Gave my son the “you live under my roof, you play by my rules” speech and my father’s mustache immediately appeared on my face.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 15, 2018
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