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The ‘Addams Family’ Aesthetic
Late-night hosts spent plenty of time on Wednesday attacking President Trump’s nationally televised speech the previous night.
But they also poked fun at Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senator Chuck Schumer, who had delivered the Democrats’ rebuttal from behind a single podium, standing joylessly and speaking in a subdued tone. Stephen Colbert called them “Congressional Democratic leaders and direct-to-DVD Addams Family Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi.”
And Trevor Noah slammed their presentation.
“Why are you sharing one podium? Goddamn it, you guys really are socialists. What are you doing? Also why do you look so grouchy? What is this? It looks like the hostess at IHOP just told them there’s no senior discount.” — TREVOR NOAH
Colbert also discussed the meeting that took place between Trump, Schumer and Pelosi on Wednesday, when they convened to negotiate an end to the government shutdown. Schumer told reporters immediately after the meeting that it had ended abruptly, with Trump storming out soon after it started because Pelosi said she would not support building a border wall.
“He slammed the table and walked out! He was so angry he did exercise. That’s not a good sign.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Kevin Hart Is ‘Over’ the Oscars
Kevin Hart dropped by “The Late Show” on Wednesday, and Colbert wasted no time addressing the elephant in the room: Hart’s ouster as the host of this year’s Oscars, over homophobic Twitter posts and jokes he had made.
Ellen DeGeneres went to bat for Hart last week, saying she spoke on his behalf with a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and encouraging Hart to consider re-enlisting as host. But Hart put an end to the speculation on Wednesday morning when he appeared on “Good Morning America” and ruled out changing his mind. (Variety reported on Wednesday that the Oscars would go without a host this year for the first time in almost three decades.)
When Colbert pressed Hart on the issue, Hart insisted he was “over it” and said he didn’t want to continue addressing the story. “I don’t have anything else left to say,” he said. But he did lament that he would not be able to do the show. “I had some heat,” he said. “I had some real good jokes.” Then he previewed some of the quips, mostly about how uptight the stars in the audience are on Oscars night.
The Dangers of Drinking to Trump’s Address
Most of the shows had taped too late on Tuesday to analyze Trump’s national address that night. So they got caught up on Wednesday.
“Trump spoke last night about the border, and in his speech Trump criticized Democrats, insulted immigrants and said we need a wall. By the end, anyone playing a Trump drinking game was like, ‘Call an ambulance.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“The president, as you know, has been very anti-immigrant since the one he’s married to stopped having sex with him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Fitness Edition)
“A team of scientists in Brazil and Ireland have published a paper suggesting ways to genetically modify tomatoes to be spicy. Though, to be fair, people in Ireland already think tomatoes are spicy.” — SETH MEYERS
“It’s Day 19 of the government shutdown, which means it’s now officially lasted longer than my New Year’s resolution. I got winded and gave up halfway through the Planet Fitness application.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Kimmel invited a T.S.A. agent who’s been working for no pay during the government shutdown onto his show. Then he asked her to help him figure out which of three random pedestrians was high on pot.
Gwenyth Paltrow, virtuoso singer.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Senator Kamala Harris of California, who is high on the list of Democrats thought to be considering a run for president in 2020, will talk to Stephen Colbert on Thursday.